However, your culpability is only in allowing the situation to happen, it is not criminal.

Ron’s father, on the other hand, committed multiple criminal acts against you and Ron. He embezzled from the busines–crime one–and impersonated Ron –crime two–by forging his signature on credit card receipts–crime three. Why didn’t he use his own credit cards or his own signature? He knew what he was doing.

Both of you need to look in the mirror and realize that you are responsible for defending yourself. It is actually an act of dishonesty to lay down and take this. Either way, the family relationship is permanently damaged. Ifyou don’t stand up for yourself, you will never respect yourself or Ron’s father. If you do stand up for yourself, Ron’s father may blame you or you and Ron for his situation–but you know the truth and he does too.

Keep in mind that the debts incurred by Bill in Ron’s name are actually not Bill’s debts, and they are not Ron’s either: they are criminal acts of fraud. I imagine this is why Ron refuses to consider taking action: he doesn’t want to be the one responsible for starting the chain of events that will, in all likelihood, put his father in jail:

The inventory loss is a trickier matter and I’m not going to go into it. It would likely be the matter of a civil as opposed to a criminal suit if you had the willingness to pursue one,

Both of you are in an extremely difficult situation and I fear for your relationship. Your husband has failed to protect you from his father’s actions in any way AND he knows it. This cannot be good for his self-esteem or for your relationship., and it cannot be good for you.

I will say that my writing may sound harsh but I understand how difficult a situation you both are in–few are willing to take their own parents to court or to see them brought before a court of criminal justice. I have one friend whose father did something very similar to him in a business deal and who ate the loss. Howveever, that situation amounted more to clever dealing in a property sale than outright fraud, embezzlement, and theft.

I don’t think that living like you are living right now by accomodating your father in law’s behavior and your husband’s current response to it is really living life. It is more like existing and making do. I hope you can find a way to live according to the truth of this situation. You do not deserve this situation and I encourage you to be willing to let the chips fall where they may and let the guilty party pay the price for his actions and let all other consequences follow as they may, because you would be acting righteously by doing so regardless of what some others may think.

This is easy for me to say because I don’t have to do it, but I feel like I should tell you what I really think and what I hope I would do if I were confronted with such a terrible reality and choice. Actually, I have had this happen in my own family so I do have some experience in the dynamic behind it. In this case it was my sibling who was the victim of financial theft by her own husband–and she refused to put her foot down or put a stop to it until much too late.

Thanks

I am concerned that one of the reasons your husband will not file bankruptcy or hold Bill responsible is he is beating himself up instead. He may believe that he is responsible because he didn’t “catch” what was going on. The father-son relationship has what is called an inequal balance of power. Bill used his position to abuse Ron’s trust. Please tell Ron that he is only a victim IF he allows this to continue to the detriment of himself and his family. He has the choice to care for his family by holding his father responsible. If he doesn’t he is not following the scripture regarding leaving your father and mother because he is still prioritizing their financial well-being over his family’s. Try and continue to be gentle with each other. You’ve been abused enough.

Lastly, you have a witness to all of this in the investor who discovered the inconsistencies. I would find the man and get a statement from him. You may need it if this continues.

The 30 year rate fell from 4.79 to 4.72 this week. This is the lowest point this year. The previous low was 4.78 reached two weeks ago. What is more interesting is that the all time low is 4.71 so just .01 points lower than current rates.
Looking at other rates the 15 year dropped from 4.20 to 4.17. The 5 and 1 year arms dropped from 3.94 to 3.92 (5 year arm) and 3.95 to 3.91 (1 year arm). These are all time lows since we have good tracking data for these mortgage products. So would it make sense to look at some of these other mortgage products since they are at all time lows? Personally I would still avoid the 5 and 1 year arm. Since mortgage rates in general are so low it makes sense to lock in for as long as possible. Below are rates from the weeks from May 13, 2010 to Jun 10, 2010.
Jun 10, 2010
30-fixed 4.72 15-fixed 4.17 5 ARM 3.92 1 ARM 3.91
Jun 03, 2010
30-fixed 4.79 15-fixed 4.20 5 ARM 3.94 1 ARM 3.95
May 27, 2010
30-fixed 4.78 15-fixed 4.21 5 ARM 3.97 1 ARM 3.95
May 20, 2010
30-fixed 4.84 15-fixed 4.24 5 ARM 3.91 1 ARM 4.00
May 13, 2010
30-fixed 4.93 15-fixed 4.30 5 ARM 3.95 1 ARM 4.02
Nov 26, 2009
30-fixed 4.78 15-fixed 4.29 5 ARM 4.18 1 ARM 4.35
So rates are one thing but it’s also informative to calculate mortgage payments. We took today’s rates and calculated a mortgage payment on a 200k house. We also did the same thing with rates from May, 13 2010 and rates from November,
26 2009.
Jun 10
30-year $1039.68
15-year $1496.47
5-year ARM $945.62
1-year ARM $944.48
May 13
30-year $1065.1
15-year $1509.62
5-year ARM $949.07
1-year ARM $957.13
Nov 26
30-year $1046.91
15-year $1508.6
5-year ARM $975.7
1-year ARM $995.62
So compared to a month ago a mortgage payment is $25.42 less a month for a drop of 2.45 percent. While that is not a huge drop it is considering rates from last week were already pretty low.
So what is going to happen moving forward? As always it’s hard to tell. If the economy continues to have a rocky recovery I would expect that rates will stay at current levels and possibly break down to new all time lows in the next few months. If the economy starts to rebound we should see mortgage rates move higher perhaps much higher. Over the next 6 months while it’s hard to know which way mortgage rates will move if they move up they could move up substantially while if they drop they do not have much room to fall.

I agree with what’s been written about not paying on the father in law’s debts–let him bear the consequences of his actions. I’d also speak with a bankruptcy attorney and see if it’s possible to wipe the slate clean, They’ve been hit by a financial hurricane that isn’t of their own doing, and while it’s noble that they want to clean up the mess, the stress on their lives and relationships may not be worth their effort to “do the right thing”. There are some battles we don’t need to fight.

Can they fold the business and start a new one? They are, after all the ones who built it from nothing. Fold, start new and succeed, and even if the father in law seems immune from guilt, his distress at their rebirth and success will be the best justice for Micki and her husband, and the greatest punishment for her father in law.

If Bill is a member of a church, though it’s not commonly done now days, church discipline is another line to follow. Your father in law’s sins show him to be in a precarious situation before the Lord, and as he is unrepentant, indicates he needs to do real soul business. Matthew 18 lays it out. One on one, two on one, then to the church. This is the usual order and looks like what you’ve already done. He can then be reproved privately by the elders, then reproved publically, then refused the Lord’s supper, then excommunicated (declared as far as anyone can tell because of his lack of repentance that he is not really a believer). I’ve seen God do great things when biblical discipline is enforced. We also have the example of David of the depths God’s mercy can go. And when the man in the Corinthian church was reproved by Paul and handed over to Satan, the Lord brought about a great heart searching and vindication of wrong. Sadly many churches are afraid to discipline. It’s in this context though, not to “get back” at him. Unless Bill turns before he comes before the judgement seat of Christ he will have nothing to say to Christ’s “Depart from Me I never knew you. You who practice lawlessness.” John’s epistles tell us a person who continues willfully in sin is not a true believer. Though you didn’t mention her, your mother in law is also part of the mix. Unless she repents she will also be held accountable. Even though Annanias sold the property, Sapphira was also complicent and paid for it.

If the Lord does not back up church disicpline, he is not one of Christ’s own. For whom the Lord loves He disciplines and scourges every son He receives.

If Bill is not a member of a church these things are still true. He has wronged your family, Christ’s sheep. It’s as if he poked God in the eye. He who touches you has touched the apple of His eye. God will not leave the guilty unpunished. As all we “own” is really a stewardship of God’s good things, he has stolen from God as well.

For them He foreknew He predestined to be conformed to the Image of His Son. God will bring spiritual good out of the situation for you. It may not be resolved in any pleasant way. But we know Christlikeness is the final end. Christ learned obedience through what He suffered. Corrie Ten Boon once commented about the back of a piece of embroidery she was working on, we see only the underside, the knots and loose ends.

If you and Ron can pray together, that would be a great help. If not then pray for him that he will fear God and not man. Seek still to be the helper suitable to him, that doesn’t mean to be a doormat, but to do him good. And like the woman before the unjust judge pray for God’s vindication of wrong. Anger and bitterness will nag at your heels, try not to let them overtake you. If you can pray with your kids. They will be struggling with the fallout.

These may not be very comforting, and personally I’d love to fix everything for you (like the sons of Zebedee to call down fire from heaven). But having been through some rough things, I’ve realized Christ is all we have ultimately, His word and prayer are our best helps, as the Holy Spirit applies them.