marriage Archives - Live Debt Free

It’s summer and a ton of my friends are getting married. Most are still relatively young ranging from ages 20 to 25 but I guess it’s that time time of life for us now. I’m in the same boat and will be asking my girlfriend of nine months to marry me soon. While it is exciting, we must remember to ask ourselves whether or not we’re financially ready for marriage. It’s a necessary question too many couples ignore choosing instead to rush in unprepared only to find their lack of financial preparation usually leads to marital money problems.

There are basic principles young people should follow but in the end it comes down to marrying the right person. Wise financial management is important and you should look for the similar habits in a potential spouse. Thankfully God blessed me with someone just as frugal as myself who understands wealth is built through hard work.

If you find someone who has the same views about money as you do, don’t postpone marriage even if one person has a substantial amount of debt. Follow these principles and you will be able to get through anything together.

Rule 1: Hold nothing back

It’s oh so critical to disclose everything about your finances – be sure to lay it all out there. Doing so will increase trust and allow each of you to better prepare for the upcoming challenges of marital finances.

Rule 2: Don’t share accounts quite yet

Never share accounts until you’re married. You’re not married yet so don’t act married. Never rush in, anything could happen. If you shared your PIN number with your fiance and then a terrible breakup happened, do you really want the other person to have access to your checking and savings accounts? Engagement is a step above dating, but it’s not marriage yet! You are only fully committed when you say “I do” on your wedding day.

Rule 3: Learn together

If you need more education on finances don’t lose hope, just use every financial challenge as a chance to learn. Marriage will present you with a lot of new financial situations, handle them together to grow in knowledge and love for each other. There are also plenty of excellent resources that are both fun and educational. You could read personal finance blogs together and discuss what you’ve learned or even take Dave Ramsey’s FPU program together (which I highly recommend.) Whatever you end up doing, treat it as a team exercise and bounce ideas off of each other.

Rule 4: Share your vision and be willing to grow

Discover each other’s core financial values and talk about what you want out of life. Share your goals and dreams including what type of home you want, whether you want kids, what hobbies will your family be involved in, how often will you splurge, etc. Make a list of all these things and formulate a rough budget to give you and idea of how much you need to earn to reach your goals. All this should be discussed before you’re married. Don’t let finances be a wall between the two of you. Start early and work together to envision money properly – as a tool given you by God to find and live your mission.

Going forward

If the goal is money harmony, using these financial rules will help you get there. Don’t wait for things to happen, take an active approach and talk everything over. The sooner you do, the smoother the transition to marriage will be.

Finances are the number cause of divorce so be sure to nail this down before tying the knot to help ensure a strong and lasting marriage!

You know you’ve thought it. Maybe you’ve even said it out loud. “My spouse spends too much!” There is a cure, but it is not as simple as having them take a pill (stop it, I know what you’re thinking!) There is actually a three step method to stop the spending insanity.

1) Have a conversation with your spouse.

This does not mean that you nag your spouse. It does not mean that you berate, belittle, or criticize your spouse. In fact, I will guarantee that will not work. Your spouse may stop their spending for a short time (like a day or an hour), but not long term. You are in a partnership, not a parent/child relationship. Instead, try sitting down together face to face. Make sure the tv, computer, cell phone, etc are all turned off. If you have kids, make sure they are in bed. Basically, get rid of distractions and don’t have this conversation while getting the kids ready for bed. Hold your spouse’s hand in yours and explain to them how you want to do better with money. Here is the important part: tell them WHY you want to do better with money. Do not start with the how or what they “need to start doing”. Explain to them all of your dreams and goals and how you see your financial future TOGETHER. This will set the right tone, put your spouse in a non-defensive mindset, and help you identify and overcome any money anxiety that might exist.

2) Do a written budget.

The only way to truly control spending for both of you is to get on a written plan. You may think that you have a budget in your head, but it is not the same as writing it down. If you sit down together and put a plan on paper before each month begins, it gives you both power over your money. Even if your spouse is not a budgeter, they must have a say in the plan. If your spouse is the type who wants nothing to do with putting a bunch of numbers together, then I suggest you make a plan for the first month. Then, you show your spouse the plan and let them have input. For example, your spouse may say that there needs to be more money for gas. Ask them what category they would suggest lowering in order to increase the gas budget. Once you get the discussion going, it should come to life. WARNING: Attitude is critical in this. There are two ways to say “what category should we lower, honey, in order to increase the gas budget.” You know which is the correct tone, use it. The last thing you want to be is sarcastic or condescending: that will get you the opposite results of what you are aiming for with this process.

3) Put it into action.

Believe it or not, this often is the hardest step of all. You may think that once you have gotten through the first two steps, the hard work is behind you. Wrong! A budget on paper or in your computer is completely worthless if you don’t live by it. That may mean packing a sack lunch when all your friends are going out to eat. Or putting the doughnuts back at the grocery store because you already spent your grocery budget. This is where the true test comes. You may even find out in the process that you spent more than you thought, it wasn’t just your spouse! The key is to stick to the plan and the easiest way to stick to your plan is to know the why you’re doing it. Being debt free, saving for a vacation, or giving money like you’ve never given before can be huge motivators. Find what motivates you and your spouse (you know, the spender) and start putting that plan into action!

Rules of Money for Engaged Couples